Right now as I write this, I'm curled up in front of 'Friends' with a microwave fluffy dinosaur hottie (purple), and anxiously/tiredly dipping baby weetabix in my tea (I know, it's nice I swear). I've just finished my second day at my new full time grad job (in a coffee shop), I've had 2 panic attacks, and am terrified and overwhelmed. This is basically my go-to safe zone, minus the weetabix. Whenever everything is just far far too much, I drown it out with Friends and tea. It doesn't always work, but I try. Sometimes that's the only thing you can do.

If you've been on Facebook or Twitter lately, it probably hasn't passed you by that today marks World Mental Health Day 2016. This is a super wonderful thing, because it gets people TALKING, which sounds so simple but in practice is so freaking hard. It's one thing to say you're against mental health stigma, but it's so hard to practice out in the terrifying rush of everyday life. I know I'm horribly guilty of this and it eats me alive. I'm a young champion for Time to Change, but I'm still too petrified to call in sick to work when I have a panic attack or my depression gets too suffocating. I'm currently a sort of stable-ish weight (much to my own dismay and torture), but 10 years of struggling with anorexia and sub-type purging means my body is much more fragile that I allow for, and sometimes the combination of pushing myself to the edge as I do to carry on a 'normal life' and being such a perfectionist/ so desperate to please others means I literally break myself to the point of becoming dangerously ill. I spend a scarily huge, secretly hidden amount of time tearful, anxious, shaking, sick and exhausted, but I still have never once called into work and told the truth. Last week marks the first time that I've declared myself as having depression on an employment contract which is a huge step for me, but even then I feel horrible and upset with myself knowing I only did so after I'd been offered the job.

One of the people I admire most in the whole world, James Rhodes (if you haven't heard of him, check him out. He's a brilliant and astoundingly lovely human being), tweeted that though World Mental Health Day is amazing, really EVERY day should be World Mental Health Day, and I think that's a really important goal to aim for. You don't get days off from mental illness, and it 100% has NO respect for your plans, dreams, or general need to function as a human being. E.g:

Me: hey! I actually feel like things might maybe be okay toda-
Depression: SUPRISE BITCHHHHHH

Honestly. Every time. ANYWAY, long story v. short, talking more openly and confidently about mental health like we do on this day each year is powerful af, and it's up to us to keep that message of acceptance, kindness and support out there every other day of the year too. When my OCD symptoms first started to get seriously limiting and out of control, I very very vividly remember being out in town with my dad and jumping over a crack in the pavement back and forth over and over and over again, and my dad was yelling at me to stop but I hadn't 'finished' yet and the anxiety was making me cry, and parents walking past started shielding their children's eyes from me. But I didn't know I had OCD, I was 12, I'd never HEARD of OCD, and neither had my Dad. It's isolating enough struggling at all, but it's a million times scarier when you don't understand what's happening to you either, so I completely stand by James' message that ultimately we need to find the courage to speak out and raise awareness not just on one designated annual day, but every day. A bit like my tea-and-friends thing, it doesn't always work, but we are getting better. We all have mental health, and the sooner we find the bravery and determination to talk about it, myself included, the better things will be for all of us.

So, here are 3 things you can do right now to help fight Mental Health Stigma:
1) Text a loved one just because
2) Pop a pledge up on the Time to Change pledge wall, no matter how tiny!
3) Remember:

I don't know whether it's just a me thing, but I find that starting (and keeping) a new blog can be really hard. I think especially now that literally everyone and their mum's best friend's dog all have a blog and that so many people make a career out of it etc etc, it suddenly makes it a really scary and daunting thing, especially if, like me, you have an awful tendency to cripplingly doubt everything you ever think, do or say anyway.
The other thing is, I don't know if I feel I'm ALLOWED to have a blog. As in, I'm not a 'blogger'. I'm very much imperfect and messy. My hair is never neat, I look about 8 years old, live in oversized jumpers, and am most normally found crying over a dropped sock or playing hide and seek with my dog. I like apple juice and instant coffee and muddy walks, and I get all flustered and shy with pride whenever anyone starts talking about Benedict Cumberbatch. I know there's no rule anywhere to say you have to be a certain kind of person tone a blogger, but sometimes it really can feel that way.

ANYWAY. Here we go, right? I have a new blog. Just over two weeks ago, I had the amazing experience of completing my training to become a Time To Change young champion, and meeting 84 other brave, astonishingly lovely young people fiercely dedicated to changing the face of mental health and the stigma that surrounds it. I hate cliches, they make me feel so awkward and horrible inside to say - but the atmosphere that whole weekend was completely magic. I've never EVER before been in a place where there was such an unconditional sense of kindness, safety, love and respect so quickly, and all without anyone saying a word.

One particular thing really sticks in my mind from this weekend though. On the first day, we as a group were asked in passing to raise our hands if we'd ever experienced stigma towards us because of our struggles with mental health, and without even thinking, everyone did. I think even the TTC leaders were shocked, and this is what they do for a living. And I think in that moment we all automatically became united, inseparable and fiercely respectful and protective over one another too.

That's a picture frame of how mental health stigma stands in our society at the moment. BUT, right now, I think that it's important that that happened. I think we're processing it into a positive, because here you've got 85 young people who've known each other less than two days, more connected to one another and relentlessly determined to stamp out mental health stigma than ever before. And they, being the lovely folk they are, have convinced me that I CAN have a blog, and I CAN talk about things. We aren't just a diagnosis, we have Hogwarts houses, we cry with joy over dog videos, we're ready to do something about all the shit we've been put through. It's okay to start again.
Anyone who followed me over on theoverthinkingblog.wordpress.com will know that I tried to blog periodically throughout my time at uni about the struggles of coping with a degree and the horrifically inadequate state of student welfare services, and now I'm graduated (FUCK...), it's time to do something about it. So here! Here's a blog, and here's looking at you, world. Let's fight to leave mental health stigma where it belongs.